What happened to common decency and honor?

Deadspin posted this article today about the jury-less trial for two Ohio high school football players accused of raping a teenaged girl who was drunk.

The defense argues the girl was not too intoxicated to consent to sex, and there is a disturbing photo of this girl half-clothed being carried by two young men by her ankles and wrists which the defense argues isn't as bad as it looks.

I'm so appalled and disturbed by this on so many levels.

1. Even if the photo isn't as bad as it looks, it looks horrifying. So, that's still a pretty deep level of awful.
2. It is disgusting and pathetic to sleep with a woman who is even slightly incapacitated, regardless of whether or not a court decides this girl was "too incapacitated" to consent to sex. 
3. Why do young people feel the need to drink this much? Since when did binge drinking to the point of endless vomiting and blacking out become the cool thing to do on Friday and Saturday nights?
4. Why did no one else do anything? I would never stand by and watch someone being abused without stepping in. Call the cops. Call her parents. Call your own parents. But do something!

I was no angel as a teenager. I drank far before I was of legal drinking age. But nausea, vomiting, blacking out and the inevitable hangover were never my ultimate goal. At what point did this become a cool ritual amongst young people?

Further, at what point are we going to start demanding more of young men? I thought the point of dating and courtship was to get a girl to actually want to be with you, not force yourself on her because she's too drunk to say no. I guess young men these days have such low self esteem that they don't think any girl would want them if she's sober and thinking clearly.

And, spare me the argument that the girl asked for it because she was too drunk. She did make a poor choice, but at some point I would like to see a man actually be a man and act with integrity - just because a girl is incapacitated and would probably "let" you sleep with her doesn't mean you should or that you have to!

Have some integrity, some honor and some respect. At worst, you will avoid being accused of rape. At best, you will be a respectable, honorable and decent man.

As for those teenaged boys in Ohio, they disgust me. I would like to know where their parents were and how they feel about their sons' behavior. How does it feel? You made it with a girl you had to get too drunk to say no for fear she'd reject you. What cowards.

SI's Pete Thamel illustrates everything wrong with journalism today

I'm so thoroughly disgusted with all this Manti Te'o/Notre Dame/fake girlfriend garbage today. I read through Sports Illustrated's Pete Thamel's article with the full transcript of his interview with Te'o.

What disturbs me most is that, despite red flags, Thamel proceeded with the story and just "left things out" of his article if he couldn't corroborate certain facts.

I realize this isn't Watergate, and we aren't dealing with a matter of national security. But, most people in this country get their "news" and "facts" from "journalists" such as Pete Thamel. If we can't rely on them to do their actual jobs, which is to report FACTS, not just some interesting story, then we are in real trouble.

(By the way, Thamel has won a Pulitzer Prize and also writes for The New York Times. Hasn't the Times already had enough of bad reporting and/or plagiarism?)

Some of the "facts" that Thamel couldn't corroborate:

• Whether the alleged girlfriend even attended Stanford, much less graduated.
• No funeral notices or obituaries after her alleged death.
• No record of a car accident or drunk driving arrest after her supposed accident.

If Thamel had written this piece for my University of Florida basic reporting class, that's three "fatal errors" right there. (Fatal errors were actually factual errors, but we lost 50 points for each. One factual error was the difference in passing or failing the assignment.)

Pete Thamel, you would have just earned a -50 on this assignment if you had been a college student.

The fact that Sports Illustrated is even allowing this guy to try and justify his work is beyond me. At this point, TMZ is looking far more reputable and legit than Sports Illustrated.

But, let this be proof for you, folks: do not just take as fact anything you see in/hear on the news or read on the Internet. You will look like a fool!

Thoughts on senseless violence at Connecticut school

When I first saw a news headline about the shootings at Newtown, Connecticut, school Sandy Hook Elementary, there were no fatalities reported. I had hoped it was just something isolated and not a repeat mass killing like those at Columbine High School, Virginia Tech or the Colorado movie theater.

Sadly, that was not the case, and I learned within an hour or so that at least 18 children were murdered and at least eight adults.

I appreciated the president's comments saying that today is not the day to begin political discussions about policy, and I agree. This is a day for respect to and prayer for those killed and their families.

But many people have commented how children shouldn't be scared to go to school, children should be safe in school, and parents shouldn't be fearful of sending their kids to school.

What I take from today is that life is brief. Not one of us is guaranteed tomorrow, and so we should make the most of today. We should tell people we love that we love them. We should also act toward those we love with love and respect. We should make more efforts to enjoy time spent with our loved ones, because they may be gone tomorrow.

They may be gone due to natural causes, a car accident, a crime, an illness, a natural disaster or some other terrible occurrence. But not one of us is immortal. Some of us will lose parents; others will lose children. Some will lose siblings or spouses or best friends. But at some point, for every one of us, life ends.

I am not saying we shouldn't take reasonable precautions and security measures. I lock my doors. I avoid dark, unpopulated areas alone. I park in well-lit areas or walk with a friend. I check in to let people know where I will be. I see the doctor regularly.

But, as terrible as this tragedy is, I feel the healthiest response is to continue living. After 9/11, I still took vacations via flying. After the Colorado shooting, I didn't stop going to the movies. We deal with what life throws at us, and we adapt. We grieve those who are lost, and then we move forward.

We can't live our lives in fear of death. We can't let ourselves be consumed with thoughts of how to stop death. We spend so much time focusing on how to prevent death, that many of us forget to actually live.

Education starts in the home

I've become more and more frustrated by the sheer number of people who can't differentiate between your and you're and other simple issues in writing. (It's always "you're welcome," as in you are welcome, NOT "your welcome!")

I think there are two reasons why both adults and young people cannot follow simple rules of grammar and punctuation or learn to spell correctly.

1. People are lazy and do not care about rules.
2. People do not generally read much.

Today, I'm addressing No. 2.

I thank God every day that I had family who read to me and encouraged me to read and also that I grew up in a time where the television wasn't my babysitter.

I didn't have a computer until (I think) the 7th or 8th grade, and so my activities as a kid involved swimming, riding bicycles, playing some sort of make-believe and reading books. Television was reserved for Saturday morning cartoons, The Wonderful World of Disney on Sunday nights, the evening news (only a half hour or less) and days when I stayed home sick from school.

My aunt, an elementary school teacher, spent summers reading with me and teaching me to write and spell. I used to bug my mom to go to Waldenbooks (remember those?), and she would be frustrated because I'd read the entire book she bought me in three hours.

In any event, a majority of my childhood, teen and young adult years were spent reading and writing, so I got lots of practice and exposure.

Many children do not have this luxury, and so they don't grow up with a love of reading. Now, all their communication is via social networking and email, and they are exposed to bad spelling and grammatical errors all the time. If you always see "your welcome," at some point you're going to think that's right!

No one should expect that a child who hasn't done any sort of reading in the home will learn everything expected of him/her once in a classroom. Education requires formal schooling, of course, but must have a holistic approach starting in the home and with the parents. And parents need not have formal education to instill a love of learning in their children!

If you have kids, please take the time to read to them and with them. Resist the urge to let the TV be a babysitter! You will give them an advantage out of the gate, before they even step into a school, and help guarantee a better future for them and everyone.

Insecurity? Jealousy? Think again.

As most of you know, big news this week is Katherine Webb, the girlfriend of Alabama quarterback AJ McCarron. She made headlines after ESPN commentators Brent Musberger and Kirk Herbstreit overemphasized her physical appearance during the BCS National Championship Game, which then prompted an apology (unneeded, in my opinion) from ESPN.

I've long been irritated and frustrated by the state of American society in which men (and even women, in many cases) seem to value physical beauty over all else.

In the world of sports reporting, for example, there are many qualified female sideline reporters and anchors. Two of my personal favorites are Michelle Tafoya and Tracy Wolfson. Both, in my opinion, do an excellent job in gathering important, relevant information and interviews. They are, in my view anyway, attractive women who also act and dress professionally. I expect to see them in professional, attractive and flattering attire.

On the other hand, you have women like Erin Andrews. Don't get me wrong - I think Erin Andrews did a decent job as a sideline reporter. But she also seems to go out of her way to emphasize her appearance by dressing to highlight her physical assets. There have been articles commenting on the nature of her attire, for example, and I often expect her to wear more form-fitting and revealing clothes.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, you have someone like Holly Rowe. I frequently see and hear people attack her appearance and state she shouldn't even be allowed to be a television reporter, regardless of her actual ability to do the job well.

Now, who is better known in sports reporting and moving up the ladder? (It's not a rhetorical question, and the answer is obviously Erin Andrews.)

Back to Ms. Webb. I don't blame her for what happened. She was just in the stands with her boyfriend's family supporting his endeavors. (I do question how an Auburn grad could wear a Bama shirt, but that's a whole separate blog post!)

The events got me into major discussions with several people, both male and female. I strongly believe that many very beautiful women attach themselves to high profile boyfriends/spouses because of the notoriety and wealth that comes along with it. Webb is a former (maybe current?) pageant girl and aspiring model.

Guess what came out this week? After the attention she received, it's now reported Webb will be shooting with Sports Illustrated for its swimsuit issue. How convenient.

When I commented that she likely was seeking better opportunities through her relationship with a well-known football player, the men defended her tooth and nail. I was called jealous, petty, insecure and other fun terms.

The reason I am frustrated is not jealousy. I'm frustrated - and sometimes angry - that our society is one that gives preference to those who are more physically beautiful than those who have good character, strong work ethic, friendly personalities or generous hearts.

Despite a woman's efforts, abilities and talents, she may still be undervalued in American society, especially by males. I don't think I'm the only woman who feels this pressure, either.

I feel that despite my talent, smarts, education and hard work, I still don't reach the level of value in the eyes of most males that I would if I looked like a swimsuit model. Regardless of how hard I work, how many educational degrees I have, how much volunteer work I do or the fact that I can support myself and contribute to society, a woman who looks like Kate Upton will always rank higher on society's value scale.

It is more valuable in society to be physically beautiful (and maybe uneducated, shallow or selfish) than to be less attractive but of high moral integrity, sound character, humble, generous and hard-working.

You don't see the average male voicing his admiration for Michelle Tafoya, who is arguably a very attractive woman who is also smart, well-educated and successful. There is far more credit given for being "hot" or "sexy" - traits which are largely out of one's own control - rather than being smart, hard-working, well-educated, charitable, kind or humble.

Men may not completely overlook a hard-working, smart and talented woman who is modestly attractive, but it's plainly evident that the Playboy bunnies, the swimsuit models and the pageant girls are consistently elevated in society and often in the workplace, regardless of their character.

And when someone like me calls out others on this superficial and shallow thinking, the immediate response is just to label me "jealous" or "insecure" about my own appearance.

I realize there will always be women more physically beautiful than me, just like someone else's car will be faster or house will be bigger, etc.

But why does our society place so much more value on a person's physical beauty rather than his/her character, intelligence, work ethic or personality?

Furball Friday: Puppy takes huge dog for "walk"

Just too cute. Happy Friday!

Furball Friday: Buzzfeed provides 45 lovable, snuggly baby animals

I said "aww" at least 90 times while scrolling through Buzzfeed's 45 most lovable baby animal photos today. Thanks to our office intern who found it for me! So cute.

What's good for the goose...

I often hear people who self-identify as liberal and/or Democrat complain that Republicans are right-wing religious zealots or some form of the phrase. They often are horrified that Christians force their beliefs on others. There are calls to remove prayer and the pledge from schools and God from the pledge.

But, what about the liberals who want to increase taxes for everyone? Is that not, in a sense, forcing their beliefs on others?

If you think that individuals should pay more taxes, but I don't agree, shouldn't you just go right ahead, open your check book and add a few zeroes to your IRS payment? I don't believe you would be prohibited from giving the government more money.

It just seems incredibly hypocritical to me to insist that certain groups keep their religious beliefs to themselves, but that other groups feel entitled to push their beliefs or demands onto everyone. 

Furball Friday: Crazy Christmas Cat Attacks the Tree

Friday was crazy, so here is my belated Furball Friday post. :)

Cats are just nuts. I've heard of them climbing up inside a Christmas tree, knocking off ornaments and even chewing the branches. This cat fits right in, but he's hysterical to watch!

Furball Friday: Kitten thankful for paper balls!

Too much cute! Happy thanksgiving!

Furball Friday: Two-for-One

Two gems for you this week...First, a story that strikes near and dear to my heart, the UF Dazzlers rescued a puppy from a sewer during their 6 a.m. workouts.

You can see pictures of the little guy here and here. Proud of the Gator girls for doing a completely wonderful deed! (Thanks to my friends at Our Two Bits for the heads up on this one.)

And if that isn't enough cuteness, courtesy of my friends at Emergency Puppy, there's puppies to go around...

Happy Friday everyone!

Class and Morals...or Lack Thereof

Waiting for my shuttle in to work today, a young lady on campus walked by wearing spandex leggings with boots and a sweatshirt that barely met her waistband, much less covered her extremely exposed bottom half. (Can't say I'm surprised she also carried a tri-delt sorority bag. Sorry, girls.)

This prompted me to later tweet: "Ladies, leggings or tights aren't substitutes for pants unless you're going to the gym/yoga."

Surprisingly, two men replied that they agreed with me and were glad someone of my gender had the guts to say it. One said he liked to leave something to the imagination.

But overwhelmingly, men responded they disagreed, and that any man who said otherwise was lying to me. (Ladies stayed out of the discussion almost entirely, except for one follower who chimed in that pajama pants should also stay at home.)

I realize men are visual, and perhaps their nature is to look or lust after girls who dress that way. But what's important to me is that a man be respectful. Yes, women have partial responsibility in carrying themselves with class and dignity, but men can do the same.

I'm looking for good, respectful men who, instead of leering after a girl dressed that way, will turn their heads.

It reminds me of a time I got on the RTS bus at UF on my way to class one afternoon. I was sitting in the front seats that line the walls of the bus, facing each other. A young lady got on and sat down across from me with a miniskirt so short that even with her legs clamped closed, I could still see her underwear.

A young man got on the bus and sat in the first row of seats facing forward, and then blatantly began to stare at the girl.

There's a lack of class on both sides here. Girls, it IS in fact possible to meet a good man without exposing most or all of your body to the world.

And men, just because a woman shoves her body in your face doesn't mean you have to respond; unless, of course, you're no better than a dog in heat on the street, and I will treat you accordingly.

I suppose I'm stuck in the 1950s, as far as my expectations go. But as for me, and any son or daughter I may have, they will learn better.

Furball Friday: Dog and deer are best friends

I am always amazed at stories of unlikely animal friends. This deer was abandoned as a baby and grew up with a Great Dane. The two now seem to share a loving friendship!



I'm also excited to learn about this show on PBS, "Animal Odd Couples." Right up my alley! Happy Friday!

Rules for Life

I got this email from my dad today, and it claimed that Bill Gates shared these rules for life in a speech to high school students.

Obviously (or not so obviously to some), he did NOT say or write these words. They were actually written by education reformer Charles J. Sykes, but I still think they are absolutely true. So here they are:

• Rule 1: Life is not fair -- get used to it!
• Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
• Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.
• Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.
• Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping -- they called it opportunity.
• Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
• Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
• Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
• Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.
• Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
• Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

Furball Friday: Incredible animal rescue photos from Hurricane Sandy

This is more amazing and heart-warming than cute this week, but I feel such a sense of gratitude for the first responders, emergency personnel and regular citizens who went above and beyond during Hurricane Sandy.

There were many lives at stake, but I am so thankful that the humans didn't overlook the animals. Such great photos from the Huffington Post that were shared on Twitter by Julie Scardina.

Photos from the Huffington Post at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/31/hurricane-sandy-animal-re_n_2050294.html?utm_hp_ref=tw#slide=1706593

Furball Friday: Livestreaming Puppies!

If you have not yet seen it, you MUST take a break and see these adorable yellow lab puppies on webcam.

Watch live streaming video from eukanubapuppychannel at livestream.com

Eukanuba is hosting and promoting the livestream of puppies being raised and eventually trained to become service dogs for Canine Companions for Independence. Just too adorable.

And for every "like" on Facebook, Eukanuba will donate $1 to CCI! 

Furball Friday: Veterans with PTSD get relief from dogs, rather than drugs

Something a little more serious this Furball Friday. 

Veterans with PTSD have been enlisted to help raise and train service dogs. They provide a valuable service and don't have to treat PTSD from war with medications. The nonprofit is called Paws for Purple Hearts.

Not everyone is a good writer

I spend a lot of time writing for a living. My education is in communications (both bachelor's and master's degrees). I was also fortunate to have an aunt who was a school teacher, and she spent many hours reading and teaching me about language when I was young.

Further, I'm a stickler for rules and policies. I understand there's a time to bend - or even break - them, but generally, rules are important.

So, I get incredibly irritated when people proclaiming themselves writers or editors clearly have no grasp of a comma splice or the misspelling of your and you're.

For example, I've started bidding on freelance jobs through a website called Elance. It's a great tool, and I've found a couple of jobs in my first few weeks that brought in a little extra cash.

However, I am seeing more and more that I'm being seriously underbid on writing and editing work by people who have blatant grammatical errors in their contractor profiles online. The sad part is that the clients obviously don't know anything about grammar, or they'd be doing their writing and editing themselves!

Just because you are creative or have a neat idea for a book does not mean you're a grammatically solid writer. Maybe my new freelance job should be editing the other writers' contractor profiles!

Hmph. That is all for today. Curmudgeon, out.

How to tell if you need that comma

One of my biggest pet peeves lately is the incorrect use of commas. And today, when I saw a terrible comma splice in an article written by the Associated Press on its website, I felt compelled to share my knowledge.

I don't profess to know every grammar rule in the English language, and of course, I do make mistakes in my writing from time to time.

But, I do know how to determine if you need a comma in your sentences. The AP sentence written incorrectly is here:

"Security Minister Pompeyo Bonilla pledged to impose order in the violence-plagued province, and dispatched a contingent of police and soldiers to the area."

In my basic reporting class at UF, Professor Mike Foley (my favorite) gave us a really quick & easy way to determine if a sentence needed a comma.

If the two phrases in your sentence can each be written as its own sentence (each phrase has a noun and a verb), then you need a comma. If not, the comma is not necessary. For example:

Mike and I went to the store and bought a gallon of milk. 
No commas required because "bought a gallon of milk" cannot stand alone as its own sentence.

Mike and I went to the store, and then Mike went home.
This sentence requires a comma, because both phrases could stand alone as independent sentences: (Mike and I went to the store. Then Mike went home.)

Next time you start to put a comma before the "and," apply this little test to avoid irritating me with your comma splices. Oh, and also to appear intelligent.

Furball Friday: Runt puppy & abandoned kitten are best buds

Perfect pick-me-up. CBS Atlanta covered this story today about a Jack Russell terrier puppy - the runt of his litter - that became best friends with a kitten who was abandoned at birth.

The pair are at a shelter in London, England. The puppy's mother rejected him since he was the runt. The kitten was brought in at only one week old.

What a sweet, happy ending!